A continuation of my car drama

So I took my car back to be fixed this morning. I get it back and it is not fixed. As a matter of fact it is worse than it was when I started this nonsence. When I got home from work it smelled like there was something burning so my brother was looking around. We found where some hydrolic fluid was leaking and he found a brake spring around the clutch. No wonder my clutch isn't working. So I am done with taking it to that mechanic. Now I have to pay someone else to fix their screwup. I am so mad.

A little uncomfortable

I work at a loan company and unfortunately our higher ups are greedy and make us work late to try to make them that extra dollar. When we work late we are usually the only people in the shopping center and the lighting is not good. Tonight was a little unnerving. A few minutes before we were suppose to leave K went to put some stuff in her car. I thought I heard her talking to someone, when I got up to look I see her walking across the parking lot so I sat back down thinking I was just hearing things. She comes back in and asks if I saw him. Him turned out to be a guy I used to run around with in high school. We quit hanging out when he got bad into drugs. K proceeds to tell me he was right outside our door with a hood over his head. A few minutes later 5 cop cars are in our parking lot and talking to this guy. Not sure what that was all about, but it is a little nerve wracking to think of what he was doing there standing outside our door in the dark. Now when he is sober I would never think that he would hurt me, but with him on drugs you just never know. I hate this guy turned out the way he did.

Even though now I am home, I am still a little freaked out. What if he was going to try and rob us? What did he do that there were so many cop cars surrounding him?

I am not an idiot.

I had my clutch replaced less than a month ago. Today was the 2nd time I have had my car in the shop because of this clutch. The tell me it is a spring this time, ok fine. I go to pick up my car and I can't put it in gear. I go in and tell the guy and another mechanic comes up and tells me that I need to push the clutch in. So he comes outside to show me how to work the clutch. UMM HELLO I know how a clutch works. He has major problems getting it to go in gear and it grinds when he does. He proceeds to tell me that I need a new clutch. WHAT?!?!?!?!?!? He just put a new clutch in less than a month ago. Another mechanic comes out and tells me the throw out bearing must be bad. YEAH YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO CHANGE THAT AS WELL LESS THAN A MONTH AGO! So my car is still not fixed and these people are idiots or they think I am one. I am so mad that someone had to drive my car from the bay to the front of the buiding and did not "notice" that there was a problem. Then they try to make it sound like it was operator error.

I think he just knows

J called me last night to let me know that he was fixing to travel back to the FOB. As some of you know we are TTC, without much luck. My Dr put me on some fertility meds and I was really hoping that while he was home for R&R that it would be our turn. I had pysched myself up, only to be disappointed. As I was laying in bed last night crying, my phone rings and it is J. His flight was cancelled,so he called to let me know. I tried to hide my disappointment, but he knows me well enough that he knew something was wrong. So I told him, of course he said the right stuff to make me feel better, even though I was disappointed. He normally would not have called me since it was late, but somehow he just knew I needed reassurance that only he could give. Gosh I love that man.

Where has the time went

Its been a while since I have blogged. So much has happened. I went back to work for the same company I was at before J joined the Army. It has been a blessing and a curse. I am making money and wasting time until J comes home, but its the same crap that made me hate working there. I just have to keep telling myself that it is only temporary.

We are more than half way through this deployment. J left a few days ago to go back to the sandbox after R&R. I have come to the conclussion that 15 days does not make up for 6 months gone. We had such a good time though. It has amazed me at how fast time has gone by since J left in June. Now if this deployment would just be over. Not that i don't realize that I only have him for about a year before he has to go back.

Christmas has came and went. First Christmas in 6 years without J. I made it through and no one got hurt. While J was home he got me diamond earings, a watch, a S&W 380 Bodyguard, and some smaller items like clothes.

We had the joy of welcoming a new niece into our family and will be welcoming a nephew in March. We are hoping that within the next year and a half that we will be welcoming our own little one into the world.

I am getting to old for this!!

So my brother has moved back from FL. We left yesterday at 11am to go back to FL and get the rest of his stuff. We hauled balls down there loaded his truck and the UHaul trailer up and hauled balls back. We got home at 7am took a little nap then had to unload the trailer and get it back by 11am. I slept like crap the night before, thanks stupid insomnia, and then was up until 7am with only about an hour nap on the drive down to FL. Of course all this help that was suppose to be there either didn't show up or couldn't help till we were about done , then wanted to stand around and chit chat. So why am I still up and not dead to the world, because that little nap I took at 7am gave me my second wind.

What a week

I have never been so glad to have a week over. It started at that I was missing J so bad. All I wanted to do all week is cry. I went to get my oil change and by the time I got home I had run over a razor blade and had to get a new tire. J broke his glasses and trying to get his prescription from his eye doctor was horrible. The place online that I had to order his eyepro from kept telling me that the eye doctor had given me the wrong prescription. GRRRRR. My nephews' dog got sick, so that was scary for a while. We were scared she was going to die. Then Saturday night a guy I went to high school with lost his 2 year battle with cancer. He was such an inspiration. In all his trial and tribulations his faith never once wavered. He kept a smile on his face to the very end. I hope that if I ever have to go through something terrible I can have the fight that he has had the whole time. May you rest in peace Todd Clendenon.

Home from Alaska

I got home today from spending 10 days with my good friends Steven and Terran. It was so much fun and so relaxing. The first couple days we didn't do a whole lot, but on Saturday I went to my first airshow. It was so neat to watch. We also drive around Cook Inlet and went to the Conservatory. I got to see moose and bear. The only thing I really wanted to see that I didnt get to was the Aurora Borealis. I really needed to get away. Even though I have only had about 2 hours in the past 36 hours I feel so refreshed.

What a week!!

I got home late last night from a week at my Grandpa's house. Started out like any other week up there. Go to put flowers on my Grandma's and my great Grandparents' graves, spending time with my family, eating my cousin's amazing Italian food and then BAM!!!! My week is shot to hell. My aunt took me and my two 10 year old cousins to Great America. We are having a great time riding roller coasters, its not to hot or to crowded. I get off one ride and I fall on some broken pavement. I ended up tearing the ligaments in my right ankle. The guys from Six Flags were nice enough to take me to the Naval hospital instead of a civilian hospital so that worked out great. But the rest of my week consisted of sitting with my leg up in the air and having to be waited on hand and foot. Now I know must people would think that would be wonderful, but honestly it is not. I am to independent to not be able to do simple tasks for myself. It is really embarrassing to be 28 and have to have your Mommy help you shower since I can't stand. I love my Mom and I know she loves me, but I have been showering by myself for years now. I go to my primary care dr on Tuesday. I am praying for good news, especially since I am leaving on Wednesday for 10 days in Alaska.

To Grandpa's house I go.

So I leave Friday morning to go to my Grandpa's house. I can't wait. I have been going up there every summer since I was a little girl, minus a couple years after my Grandma died, that I just could not bring myself to go. It is one of the few places that I feel I can sit back take a deep breath and say aahhh!!! It is almost like there can be no stress of everyday life when I walk through the door. Things just don't matter and if they do Grandpa will take care of them. I definitely need to have a breather. I have been so tightly wound since J left. I hope it will really do me some good to get away from "real life" and go to Grandpa's. I can't wait to see my uncle, aunt, and cousins. My one cousin just opened a restaurant so i will definitely have to check that out. I already know he is an awesome cook. I am so proud of him for following his dreams.

After I get back from Grandpa's, I will have about 3 days and then its off for my adventures in Alaska. I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends that are so willing to open there arms and welcome me into their home and take time off work just to keep me entertained.

J is having a rough few days. I wish there was something I could say or do to make it better. It is just so hard when he can't say everything that is going on. All I get is bits and pieces of what is going on. I understand the importantance of OPSEC and understand fully that he can't tell me stuff, but it would be so much easier to understand where he is coming from if I had the whole story and not just what he can tell me. We have been each other's rocks for so long that it is hard not having him here. I don't tell him everything either because he has enough going on that he doesn't need to be over there worried about what is happening here. Its like in a split second he went from being my best friend to just a friend. He will always be my best friend but we just can't talk about stuff like we can when he is home. For our wedding we were given a daily devotional for couples book. I think I am going to talk to him about trying to do it while he is over there. Maybe it will help lift both of our spirits and help us stay connected to each other. There are times that we really do not have stuff to talk about and this will help us have something to talk about. Since we are able to talk daily this might be a good thing. I'll have to figure out how it will work when/if there are days we can't talk. I have been wanting to do it since we got it, but didn't know how to do it with him being in gone so much, but this might be a good thing to do while he is gone.

Yesterday I went and had lunch with my favorite Navy Mom. I left with 2 bags of books for both me and Jason. He asked that I get him some books, but I do not know what he would like so she gave me a varity and if he finds an author or type of book he enjoys I can buy more of them. I also found some books based on the tv show CSI that I think he will like since he loves shows like that. For his birthday he got all the seasons of NCIS.

Today I had to go in for an ultrsound of my liver. My enzymes have been elevated since last December. I think the tech thought she had to break a rib to get the pictures she needed.

I went today and had lunch with one of my BFFs. It is so nice to be able to go and talk and not have to think about everything that is going on right now for an hour or 2.

J saw my last blog about the caller, he said I know it was ________ and if it happens again to tell this person to F off. He understands I can't be attached to a computer all the time and if the worse thing I do while he is gone is go to the mall, he will consider himself very lucky as long as I don't spend our whole life savings, since he knows I am an emotional shopper.

How old am I

So this morning I wake up to an email from J saying that he will be able to MSN chat after while so I sign in and turn up the volume to my laptop so I can hear when he signs in. He comes online and we chat for a good while. He says that he needs to go do something and then he is going to bed. I make plans to go shopping with a friend. While I am on my outing I get several phone calls and text messages saying that he is on and waiting on me. I get one phone call and I am not going to name names just incase don't want to cause problems. So she calls and says J is waiting for me and I tell her that I am not near a computer would she please let him know and that I am sorry. She proceeds to ream me out because I am not home and demand to know where I am and who I am with. First off I am an adult, I don't have to explain my whereabouts to anybody. Second of all, she is not my keeper if I want to go shopping with a female friend I should be allowed to. I hate I missed a chance to talk to my husband, but I do not want to be that wife that can't leave the hoouse for fear of missing my husband being online. I would be miserable. So what gives this person the right to ask about my whereabouts. I live with my parents for the time being and the only thing they ask of me is if I am going to be out late to let them know, I don't have to tell them where I am going or where I have been. I don't have to tell my husband what I am doing if I don't want to.

So in conclusion of my rant I want to reitterate that I am an adult, if I want to have a girl's day I can, if I miss a chance to talk to my husband I hate it but for my own sanity I cannot be tied to my computer 24/7.

Internet Access

So J finally got internet access. It is slow, but we can IM which makes for one happy me. Seeing an email from him was about as good a feeling as our first phone call. It amazed me how much we had to say to each other and there was still more I could have said if he didn't need to go to bed. I guess when we are together everyday and we know ever little detail of each other's day, there isn't a lot to say, but now that we aren't together we talked about everything and nothing at all, all at the same time.

Waterslide

I had every good intention on blogging everyday so that J could see it and feel like he knew what was happening here when we couldn't talk. The problem with that is my life is BORING!!!! It is really boring now that he isn't here. I can sit here for days and never leave the house and be content, he is the one that has to be on the go all the time.

Me, my brother, his wife, and his 2 boys went to Locust Springs today. They have a waterslide and it is really cheap to use it. It was fun and the boys had a great time. They did not want to leave. I would have enjoyed it more but the horse flies were horrendous. I was really surprised how nice the slide was, from the picture it looks like a giant trash bag spread down a hill. It wasn't anything spectacular, but if you got going you went really fast down the hill. Besides the bugs the worst part was having to walk back up the hill to slide down again. My nephew N did like havign to go down alone and he just want to play in the pool at the end of the slide so when I got tired of walking up the hill I sat at the edge and in between everyone sliding down he would get down and splash in it, then get back up when someone was ready to slide again.

J called again today. I could have talked to him for hours, but as my fellow military spouses know those phone calls can be expensive, so I will take me 2-3 minutes every few days and be happy until they get some internet access and we can skype. He could call and just say I love you and hang up and I would be happy.

My friends that live at Elmendorf AFB invited me to come up and see them and I was planning on purchasing my tickets today but guess what J's car that I am trying to sell has decided it does not want to start so it is at the shop and I am trying to figure out how much that is going to cost to fix. Hopefully not to much because I really want to go to Alaska and that will cut into the money I had saved for my plane tickets and trip. They leave AK next summer so this will probably be my only opportunity to go. I wish J could go with me so we could experience it together, but the Army had other plans for him for the next year.

Phone Calls!!

Friday night when I got home my brother called me and said to call my nephews at their mom's. My 4yo nephew didn't believe I was really coming home so he had to make sure I was really here. My 6yo nephew said that his Grandma told him I was coming home and he knew it was the truth so he didn't need to make sure. It was so cute. I am glad that they love me so much that they want me to be here, I have been second guessing my decsion to move back for this deployment.

This morning my phone rings and it is a weird number. It was J. It was the best 3 1/2 minutes of my whole day. The reception was bad, but it was great to hear his voice. He didn't have a whole lot to say, but that it was hot and they have been working their butts off.

What a Week!

So in the past week I have 1. put my husband on a bus to the land of the unknown we call deployment 2. packed up and cleaned our entire apartment and 3. moved back to my hometown and back into my old bedroom. To say that I have been an emotional wack job is an understatement. Not that I expected to, but I have not heard from J since the night he left. I have heard through the magnificent grapevine of the FRG that his group has made it safely to their destination.

Our last night together was spent at a B & B about an hour north of where we lived. Our room was called the Tree House and it was so nice. Even though there were other guests, we would have thought it was just us, which was exactly what we wanted. The innkeeper had found a baby deer on the side of the road and raised it so it was very tame. We petted her and she ate out of our hands. It was a memorable experience.

The day he left it was hotter than the boughs of hell and we had to sit outside for 3 hours. Needless to say not only was I upset he was leaving I was HOT and SWEATY. 2 things I hate to be, so I was miserable. I am just glad that I have become really good friends with J's buddy's wife. It is nice to have someone to lean on.

The next few days were filled with packing and cleaning and tying up loose ends so I could move. Having to do everything by yourself sucks. I am so not looking forward to having to move back there by myself before he gets back. But knowing that I am moving back to be with J again will make it worth it.

Yesterday my Dad, brother, and sister in law came and got my stuff. Brother and SIL left after we finished packing, but Dad stayed with me since my move out inspection was this morning. We went to the Fort Campbell Army Museum. It was really neat seeing everything that the 101st has done in all the wars since WWII. I am more proud to say that my husband is a part of the 101st now.

I got 1 mark against me in my move out inspection. I did not clean the blades to my ceiling fans. Come on are you kidding me!!!!! Oh well!!!

It will be so nice sleeping in my bed. So I am off to enjoy it, because I am physically, emotionally, and mentally drained and I have used muscles that have not been used in a while so not only am I exhausted, I am SORE!!!

Creepy Neighbor

Last night our neighbors were having a cookout and pretty much the whole neighborhood came over, all except the creepy neighbor that likes to sit outside MY door all day long. I want to tell him to go sit outside his door. At least he would be in the shade. Why do you have to sit outside of mine? He sat at the top of the steps did not talk to anybody and watched what was going on. I hate leaving and coming home during the day while Jason is at work because I know he is going to be sitting on the steps. I was talking to the girl that lives across from me to see if I was just being paranoid, but she thinks he is creepy to. She also thinks that he stole her phone because the other night she was carrying some stuff in and dropped her phone, since her hands were full she just carried it all up the steps and into the apartment. He was the only other person that was outside. When she went back out 2 seconds later the phone was gone and he was no where to be found, but how can she prove it since she did not see him take the phone or anything. So I told Jason not to say a whole lot about him leaving since I will be here alone for a few days. Jason went and talked to the neighbor downstairs that had the cookout and was asking him just to keep an eye on things since I will be here alone for a few days, and the neighbor said that he creeps out his wife as well and she doesn't even walk up the steps every time she comes in. So I am glad that I am not just paranoid he creeps out all the other females, except the one he lives with, but no one hardly ever sees her.

Ready or Not

Everything is getting packed up and cleaned. Jason will leave and then a few days later my Dad, brother, and sister in law will be here to save the day and move me back to Greeneville. It seemed like this was so far away 1 1/2 weeks ago, but 1 1/2 weeks ago I was still in the fantasy that he did not leave till June. Well now June is here and the dreadful D word is looming overhead. Yep that is right our first deployment is about to smack us in the face.

I felt like I was doing ok handling all the emotions of my husband going to a war zone, that was until I sat here looking at half packed boxes and my cleaning list for the move out inspection and it just hit me that this was really happening. Its funny getting his official orders didn't bother me, going to predeployment briefs and FRG meetings where they talk about all the bad stuff that you really don't want to think about but have to prepare for didn't bother me as bad as looking at all the stuff I have to do so that I can get my deposit back. I mean where are my priorities. I guess listening to someone say "well if that happens then this will happen" or "this is who you need to contact if something comes up" I could still keep my fantasy going, but the move out check list is real.

The next few days are going to be filled with packing, cleaning, and spending as much quality time as possible with Jason, that is if the Army will ever release him to go home.