Saturday, November 5, 2011

Maybe not!

My last post was about being pregnant. It is with a heavy heart that I have to say that I miscarried this past Tuesday. It all started last Friday night when I started spotting and I was in the ER. By the way never go to the ER during a shift change. I sat around and waited for almost 2 hours for them to take my catheter out, because the nurses that just came on duty knew nothing about it even being in.

Tuesday I went to the Dr for a follow up and she did an ultrasound and the baby only measured 4 to 5 weeks and it hadn't grown any since the ultrasound at the ER. I should have been 7 weeks and 2 days. That night I started to bleed heavily. I won't go into anymore details, but I guess you get the picture.

Poor J he has been such a trooper through all of this. How the hell did I get so lucky to have a man like that. He has let me cry, yell, and scream at him and he just sits there and lets me. I even told him that I hated him and he said ok. Of course I don't hate him, I just hate the situation and it came out of my mouth that it was him. So of course I felt bad and I go upstairs to cry and even though I just told him I hated him he followed me upstairs and climbed into bed with me just to hold me while I cried. Now who could be mad at someone that will do that?

So now are new joke is do I hate him today or do I like him. He will ask me that every morning either when he calls me after PT or this morning he called me while I was at work and asked me. Of course he was calling to see what time I was coming home for lunch, but he had to ask if I hated him today or not.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Baby on board!

After almost 3 years minus training, a deployment, and countless other times apart, I am finally pregnant!!! I haven't been to the Dr yet, I go November 3, but by my calculations I am a little over 6 weeks. I should be due around June 17th.

This has been a long hard road, and at many times wondered if it was even worth the fight. The first time I say the positive test, I knew it was definitely worth every tear that I have shed. Needless to say I am over the moon happy.

J is just as happy as I am. He has went online and made a list of everything we need and the average price of it so we know how much money we need to save between now and probably March when we start buying stuff. He has already decided if we have a boy his room will be done in Mossy Oak camo. It is to cute and when someone says anything about the baby he just beams with happiness. I am blessed to have such a good man in my life.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Early Christmas anyone!!!

J wanted a new toolbox, one of those big ones that roll. So a couple weeks ago, they were HALF PRICED. Which for a $300 toolbox that is an awesome deal. I was going to get him one for Christmas anyways, so why not get it while it is on sale. I don't think it will get any better than that price between now and Christmas. I guess that shows how big of a markup those suckers have if they can sell them 1/2 off. Since I didn't have any place I could put it till Christmas and wrapping it would be a pain I just went ahead and gave it to him. He is so excited, but now he wants more tools to put in it.

I wanted a new camera. Mine is like 5 years old, just a little old cheap camera. I love taking pictures, but my camera sucked. So last weekend J bought me a new camera. I am so excited, I think I have taken pictures everyday since he gave it to me. It is amazing the much more fun taking pictures is now that I have a better quality camera.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

How did we get to the end of September?

I keep saying I don't know how there is enough time to get everything accomplished. I go to bed and its the end of August, I wake up and its the end of September. I swear I am going to do better, I want to do better with my blogging. I just need more hours in the day to accomplish everything.

I had my tests ran from where I was in the ER. I have a VERY small fibroid. My Dr isn't worried, she just said that it is something that I now have to watch.

The things wrong with J have just been a roller coaster ride. His therapy is going so good. Our marriage is better than its ever been. He is dealing with things that should have been dealt with years ago. As he works through things other things pop up. Things that he didn't realize bothered him before. The therapist says this is normal. A person is has a couple things that really bother them and then there are others that are bother them, but the bigger things overshadow the smaller things and as the bigger things are dealt with the smaller things start coming out.

On top of his emotional and mental issues that are being handled, he is also having some physical problems. His knee is messed up. He is now in physical therapy for that and it looks like he might be headed to surgery to repair that. His hearing is also very much gone, so he will be getting hearing aids next month. The also want him to have a MRI done to make sure that there is not something else that is causing the hearing loss.

The Army has decided that he needs to go in front of the MRB. His paperwork was filed on the 23rd so he has 60 days to go in front of them. They will decided what they are going to do with him. He was told he could get medically discharged or they could just make him non deployable and let him finish out his contract. The Army is downsizing so not to sure the second option will happen. I knew all along that J was not in it for the long haul, but the thought of him getting out now scares the crap out of me. When he told me over lunch that his paperwork was filed I wanted to vomit.

We had plans, plans that involved him deploying again and saving all that extra money so we would have a down payment for a house. Now it looks like no matter what those plans are changing. But looking at the issues he is having I am happy that he won't be deploying again and him being worse than he already was.

Sunday, August 28, 2011


My last blog I was saying how there just didn't seem like there was enough hours in a day anymore. Well add being sick to that and that will explain why I haven't blogged or even read any blogs in a good week. I swear, here we are the last week of August and it just seems like J got home a few weeks ago, its actually been almost 5 months.

J is still doing good with his counseling. I have went to 1 of his sessions and plan on going to more. He is still having issues, but he is working on it and I am proud of him for it. He goes the 7th for his hearing aids, which I am happy about that way he can't say he didn't hear me.

I went to a new gyn and she doesn't think that getting pregnant is going to be as hard as my other Dr was letting on. Yes its been awhile, but we have been under all kinds of stress. So we are just going to keep trying and now that most of the stress is gone for the time being we will see what happens. I really like my new dr and she is so optimistic that it is almost contagious. She didn't change anything like I thought she would.

Friday, August 12, 2011


Where does the time go? I never seem to have enough time anymore. I wake and its August 1st, I blink and its the middle of the month. There just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day anymore. I haven't been neglecting my blog or reading other blogs on purpose, its that I need more time in my day to get everything accomplished.

Sunday, August 7, 2011


31 lost, 31 unwanted visits, 31 doors receive that dreaded knock, 31 families with shattered hearts, 31 pairs of boots lined up with rifles, dog tags and helmets, 31 comrades remembered and grieved for, 31 funeral services, 31 names on newly made grave markers, 31 empty places at the table, 31 souls who gave all and whose lives leave a void.

I meant to post this last night, but I fell asleep. This is the biggest fear of any family member of US military. My thoughts and prayers are with these families affected.