Decisions

J came home today and said "We need to talk" Before he enlisted that translated to "I got laid off", since he has to do something REALLY bad to get kicked out of the Army I wasn't to worried about that.

He proceeds to tell me that he and his 1SGT were talking and we now have 1 week to decide if we want to PCS to Joint Base Lewis-McChord. This was on top of my wish list, but now that it could possibly be a reality, it scares the shit out of me. It is a move across the country, to an area neither of us know anything about far away from our families (ok that scares me more than J, but still). We do have friends that are stationed there so we wouldn't totally be alone.

We need to figure out what is best for us, so I am going to list my pros and cons list here.

Pros of Fort Campbell- close to hometown, already sort of established here,

Cons of Fort Campbell- deploying next summer, having problems finding a job

Pros of JBLM- never been before and there is a lot of places I want to explore, the Clarks are there, won't have to deploy the rest of this enlistment, it was on my wish list, better chance of getting pregnant since J won't have rotations for training at different posts

Cons of JBLM- on the other side of the country, not sure how the job market is

Those are all I can think of right now, I am sure there are more, but my mind has been so jumbled up that I can't think clearly right now. It looks like the pros of JBLM outweigh the cons and Fort Campbell, but we will just need to see where this goes.

I just can't!

I have tried to sit down and blog a couple of times since my last post. I have so much going through my head that I need to get out, but when I sit down to write, I can't. I can't get my thoughts together. I can't concentrate on what I am doing. I just can't.

On Father's Day I was going to write about it being Father's Day and how great my Dad and Grandpa are. How I hope this is J's last not being a father. But all I could get out was ... nothing.

I have wanted to talk about our new dog and how we are adjusting and the silly things she does. Still ... nothing

I needed to get out my frustrations and my impatience of not getting pregnant, when there are so many woman it comes so easily to. Yep, still nothing.

Or what about my frustrations and impatience of not finding a job... Nada!

So maybe one day I will be able to sit down and just get it all out, but it doesn't look like it will be in the near future.

1 year!!!!

I have had this blog for 1 year now. It is crazy to think of what all has happened in the past year. Its hard to believe how fast the year has gone by, and at this point last year I could not wait to get to where I am today.

1 year ago today, was the day before J left for his deployment. We had went to a B&B to spend our last night together. It was a great way to have one last chance to just be us before all the craziness of the deployment started.

Today the deployment is just a memory. We have a few months before we start gearing up for the next one. Tonight we are just hanging out at the house doing our regular thing. Acting like an old married couple, watching tv till it gets dark then off to bed.

1 year ago I did not know how in the hell I was going to make it through a deployment. For over 5 years I had J be my side even when he was in BCT and AIT, I still felt like J was by my side. What in the world was I going to do.

I found out how to make it through a deployment. One day at a time and when that is to hard one hour at a time. I guess the old saying is true: "You don't know how strong you are till being strong is your only option."

So Sunday we went to that benefit I talked about last time. We had a good time until J spilled his drink in his lap and got mad/embarrassed/whatever and insisted that we leave. I met a lot of guys from his unit. Since he was moved mid deployment I didn't know anyone in his unit until he got back. They all seem like a great group of men. I met a few spouses/fiances/girlfriends while I was there. They all seemed really nice to. I hope since we found out that J won't be going back to his old unit that I can get to know some of these ladies in the near future. The benefit raised a lot of money for the Sgt and his family. It was so inspiring to see this family. They had a tragedy and are making the best out of the situation. I hope we never have to go through anything like that, but if we do I hope we have half the strength that this family has shown.

Baby nephew is finally home. He got to go home yesterday. Everyone is so relieved that this chapter is over. We do know that there will be another surgery. The Dr said that it will usually happen when the child grows over 100 lbs so unless something happens this is still a few years off. I want to thank each and everyone of you that has said a prayer or sent well wishes during this time.

I can't remember is I said we got a dog. If I didn't we got a 1 1/2 yo chihuahua/ dachshund mix (chiweenie). Her name is Dixie and for the most part we couldn't ask for a better dog. She is truly a daddy's girl. When J is home she is at his heels anywhere he goes. If he goes to the bathroom she sits outside the door waiting. If he goes outside and she doesn't she will sit at the door and whine until he either lets her out with him or he comes back in. She is so good during the day that he is gone, but once he is home I don't exist anymore unless J is near me or I am cooking.

J signed in today. Our vacation is officially over. We had a great time, saw some people we hadn't seen in a while, and made a few memories to last us a life time. I think this is what we both needed.

One of my highlights was taking my nephews M & N to Hooters. N wanted his picture taken with the waitress so bad so he asked her. I told him I was going to put it on FB he told me that he didn't want me to in case his other girlfriends saw it. We also took them to the dock and let them feed fish out of baby bottle.

We went to hospital and saw baby nephew B. He is doing so well. He has been moved to a regular room this weekend. My brother and SIL got to hold him for the first time since his surgery yesterday. That was a great mood lifter for everyone. We are going back tomorrow and I can't wait to get my hands on the little guy.

Tomorrow will be a busy day. Besides going to the hospital we are going to a benefit for the Sgt that was with J when he was involved in the IED blast. He unfortunately lost both of his legs below the knees. A business man in Nashville is helping them raise money so they can build a house to accommodate a double amputee. I think this is going to be a bittersweet experience for J. This will be the first time he has seen him since the incident. I hope they are able to raise enough money to help him.