Rough spot

A lot has happened since the last post I made. I lot of things that I needed to figure out on my own, and things me and J had to work on.

My last post talked about a decision to stay here at Fort Campbell or PCS to JBLM. We have decided that what is best for us is to stay here at Campbell. I am a little disappointed, just because of the adventure of moving on the other side of the country, but at this time for J's career, both in the military and once he gets out, it is best we stay here.

I have found a job. YAY!!! for a paycheck. Its really not what I wanted to do, but I do have some options that I am looking at. I just don't want to be a job hopper.

The thing that has really kept me from blogging is my marriage has hit a rough spot. I can't put the blame on either of us since we both have issues that need to be worked on. We have decided that we want to work them out so we are taking the steps to make our marriage stronger. Its not that we don't love each other, its that we both have issues that need to be worked on.

For pretty much the entire time we have been married we have been separated due to training and a deployment. So for 2 years I have been the one that had to make sure the bills got paid, that things were taken care of at home, if the car broke down I had to figure out how to get it fixed. J hasn't had to worry about that stuff. When he was deployed I didn't really tell him about the different stuff just because I didn't want to add stress on him. So pretty much for 2 years I have been on my own. It is really hard to just up and give someone else part of that control, I still feel like everything is still on me and my responsibility, which makes me mad because I don't feel like J is taking on any responsibility.

On J's part, for 2 years he has pretty much lived with other men and at times hygiene was not a top priority. He has also had some anger issues. So sometimes I think he forgets that he is living with a woman that is not a complete slob. Sometimes his mouth is a little crude and will talk to me in a condescending tone or will yell and cuss at me, and sometimes he doesn't pick up after himself.

It's like he is a child at times and I am his mother. I have to ask him to do stuff around the house, when it is obvious that it needs to get done. It didn't bother me so bad that he didn't do much around the house when I wasn't working, but now that I am, I need help. Some days I want to yell at him "If you want a maid, hire one. If you want a mother, move back in with yours."

So how do we fix something that has almost gotten out of control? First we bought the book The 5 Love Languages and we are working on trying to follow that. J starts counseling on Tuesday for his anger and other issues. We are not opposed to marriage counseling if these things don't work. I am trying to give up some of my control of things and give him responsibilities. We are in this for the long haul, we just need to get through this rough patch.