How did we get to the end of September?

I keep saying I don't know how there is enough time to get everything accomplished. I go to bed and its the end of August, I wake up and its the end of September. I swear I am going to do better, I want to do better with my blogging. I just need more hours in the day to accomplish everything.

I had my tests ran from where I was in the ER. I have a VERY small fibroid. My Dr isn't worried, she just said that it is something that I now have to watch.

The things wrong with J have just been a roller coaster ride. His therapy is going so good. Our marriage is better than its ever been. He is dealing with things that should have been dealt with years ago. As he works through things other things pop up. Things that he didn't realize bothered him before. The therapist says this is normal. A person is has a couple things that really bother them and then there are others that are bother them, but the bigger things overshadow the smaller things and as the bigger things are dealt with the smaller things start coming out.

On top of his emotional and mental issues that are being handled, he is also having some physical problems. His knee is messed up. He is now in physical therapy for that and it looks like he might be headed to surgery to repair that. His hearing is also very much gone, so he will be getting hearing aids next month. The also want him to have a MRI done to make sure that there is not something else that is causing the hearing loss.

The Army has decided that he needs to go in front of the MRB. His paperwork was filed on the 23rd so he has 60 days to go in front of them. They will decided what they are going to do with him. He was told he could get medically discharged or they could just make him non deployable and let him finish out his contract. The Army is downsizing so not to sure the second option will happen. I knew all along that J was not in it for the long haul, but the thought of him getting out now scares the crap out of me. When he told me over lunch that his paperwork was filed I wanted to vomit.

We had plans, plans that involved him deploying again and saving all that extra money so we would have a down payment for a house. Now it looks like no matter what those plans are changing. But looking at the issues he is having I am happy that he won't be deploying again and him being worse than he already was.

Updates

My last blog I was saying how there just didn't seem like there was enough hours in a day anymore. Well add being sick to that and that will explain why I haven't blogged or even read any blogs in a good week. I swear, here we are the last week of August and it just seems like J got home a few weeks ago, its actually been almost 5 months.

J is still doing good with his counseling. I have went to 1 of his sessions and plan on going to more. He is still having issues, but he is working on it and I am proud of him for it. He goes the 7th for his hearing aids, which I am happy about that way he can't say he didn't hear me.

I went to a new gyn and she doesn't think that getting pregnant is going to be as hard as my other Dr was letting on. Yes its been awhile, but we have been under all kinds of stress. So we are just going to keep trying and now that most of the stress is gone for the time being we will see what happens. I really like my new dr and she is so optimistic that it is almost contagious. She didn't change anything like I thought she would.

Time

Where does the time go? I never seem to have enough time anymore. I wake and its August 1st, I blink and its the middle of the month. There just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day anymore. I haven't been neglecting my blog or reading other blogs on purpose, its that I need more time in my day to get everything accomplished.

RIP

31 lost, 31 unwanted visits, 31 doors receive that dreaded knock, 31 families with shattered hearts, 31 pairs of boots lined up with rifles, dog tags and helmets, 31 comrades remembered and grieved for, 31 funeral services, 31 names on newly made grave markers, 31 empty places at the table, 31 souls who gave all and whose lives leave a void.


I meant to post this last night, but I fell asleep. This is the biggest fear of any family member of US military. My thoughts and prayers are with these families affected.

Move the F*^$ over

So one of my many pet peeves is not getting over for emergency vehicles. Yesterday me and J were on our way to Nashville and there was a major wreck on the interstate. So bad it blocked traffic on both the east and west bound lanes. Yeah it was BAD!!!! So we are sitting in traffic and hear sirens (obviously) once J realized the the sirens were coming from behind us he pulled his little car off into the median to allow the emergency vehicles to pass. But guess what none of the vehicles that were in front of us did anything to try to make a way for them to pass. Guess they didn't want to get there vehicles dirty since the median was muddy. I was so mad that I wanted to get out IN THE RAIN and go knock on all those vehicles to tell them to move the f*ck over.

I also would like to ask these same inconsiderate people how they would feel if a loved one was involved in that accident, and because of them not moving for the emergency personnel, that loved one died. The matter of minutes in an emergency situation can be life or death.

What is really bad is that in the state of TN it is a $500 fine for not getting over for emergency vehicles. Now I am not sure how they enforce this since they have bigger issues to deal with, but I think it would be nice for those inconsiderate SOBs to get a nice little ticket from TDOT or the state troopers or somebody just to say F*ck you, you should have got your wheels dirty and moved over.

New beginnings

J went to his first counseling session this week. I think just that one session has helped immensely. That probably sounds crazy to some of you, but there is just so much inside of him that he needs to get out, starting way back at his childhood before his dad passed away. The counselor wants to start off just talking with J, then eventually add me into the sessions. So he goes once a week for the month of August and then I will start going at the end of the month. J told me the night after the first session that he has never felt so good about the stuff from his past before. He was just amazed at how much he opened up to a complete stranger. He has even talked to me about stuff that in the 6 1/2 years together he has never even mentioned. He has told me about the day his dad died, which before he has always said he didn't want to talk about it. I didn't ask he just told then I asked questions and he answered them, which really surprised me. I hope that he continues to thrive with these sessions especially since he really didn't want to go in the first place, but now he is eager for his next session. I think he has finally seen he can move past his past and that it doesn't have to hinder his future. I just wish that if I would have known that counseling would help him this much that I would have encouraged him to go sooner,

Rough spot

A lot has happened since the last post I made. I lot of things that I needed to figure out on my own, and things me and J had to work on.

My last post talked about a decision to stay here at Fort Campbell or PCS to JBLM. We have decided that what is best for us is to stay here at Campbell. I am a little disappointed, just because of the adventure of moving on the other side of the country, but at this time for J's career, both in the military and once he gets out, it is best we stay here.

I have found a job. YAY!!! for a paycheck. Its really not what I wanted to do, but I do have some options that I am looking at. I just don't want to be a job hopper.

The thing that has really kept me from blogging is my marriage has hit a rough spot. I can't put the blame on either of us since we both have issues that need to be worked on. We have decided that we want to work them out so we are taking the steps to make our marriage stronger. Its not that we don't love each other, its that we both have issues that need to be worked on.

For pretty much the entire time we have been married we have been separated due to training and a deployment. So for 2 years I have been the one that had to make sure the bills got paid, that things were taken care of at home, if the car broke down I had to figure out how to get it fixed. J hasn't had to worry about that stuff. When he was deployed I didn't really tell him about the different stuff just because I didn't want to add stress on him. So pretty much for 2 years I have been on my own. It is really hard to just up and give someone else part of that control, I still feel like everything is still on me and my responsibility, which makes me mad because I don't feel like J is taking on any responsibility.

On J's part, for 2 years he has pretty much lived with other men and at times hygiene was not a top priority. He has also had some anger issues. So sometimes I think he forgets that he is living with a woman that is not a complete slob. Sometimes his mouth is a little crude and will talk to me in a condescending tone or will yell and cuss at me, and sometimes he doesn't pick up after himself.

It's like he is a child at times and I am his mother. I have to ask him to do stuff around the house, when it is obvious that it needs to get done. It didn't bother me so bad that he didn't do much around the house when I wasn't working, but now that I am, I need help. Some days I want to yell at him "If you want a maid, hire one. If you want a mother, move back in with yours."

So how do we fix something that has almost gotten out of control? First we bought the book The 5 Love Languages and we are working on trying to follow that. J starts counseling on Tuesday for his anger and other issues. We are not opposed to marriage counseling if these things don't work. I am trying to give up some of my control of things and give him responsibilities. We are in this for the long haul, we just need to get through this rough patch.