I have had this blog for 1 year now. It is crazy to think of what all has happened in the past year. Its hard to believe how fast the year has gone by, and at this point last year I could not wait to get to where I am today.
1 year ago today, was the day before J left for his deployment. We had went to a B&B to spend our last night together. It was a great way to have one last chance to just be us before all the craziness of the deployment started.
Today the deployment is just a memory. We have a few months before we start gearing up for the next one. Tonight we are just hanging out at the house doing our regular thing. Acting like an old married couple, watching tv till it gets dark then off to bed.
1 year ago I did not know how in the hell I was going to make it through a deployment. For over 5 years I had J be my side even when he was in BCT and AIT, I still felt like J was by my side. What in the world was I going to do.
I found out how to make it through a deployment. One day at a time and when that is to hard one hour at a time. I guess the old saying is true: "You don't know how strong you are till being strong is your only option."
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
So Sunday we went to that benefit I talked about last time. We had a good time until J spilled his drink in his lap and got mad/embarrassed/whatever and insisted that we leave. I met a lot of guys from his unit. Since he was moved mid deployment I didn't know anyone in his unit until he got back. They all seem like a great group of men. I met a few spouses/fiances/girlfriends while I was there. They all seemed really nice to. I hope since we found out that J won't be going back to his old unit that I can get to know some of these ladies in the near future. The benefit raised a lot of money for the Sgt and his family. It was so inspiring to see this family. They had a tragedy and are making the best out of the situation. I hope we never have to go through anything like that, but if we do I hope we have half the strength that this family has shown.
Baby nephew is finally home. He got to go home yesterday. Everyone is so relieved that this chapter is over. We do know that there will be another surgery. The Dr said that it will usually happen when the child grows over 100 lbs so unless something happens this is still a few years off. I want to thank each and everyone of you that has said a prayer or sent well wishes during this time.
I can't remember is I said we got a dog. If I didn't we got a 1 1/2 yo chihuahua/ dachshund mix (chiweenie). Her name is Dixie and for the most part we couldn't ask for a better dog. She is truly a daddy's girl. When J is home she is at his heels anywhere he goes. If he goes to the bathroom she sits outside the door waiting. If he goes outside and she doesn't she will sit at the door and whine until he either lets her out with him or he comes back in. She is so good during the day that he is gone, but once he is home I don't exist anymore unless J is near me or I am cooking.
Baby nephew is finally home. He got to go home yesterday. Everyone is so relieved that this chapter is over. We do know that there will be another surgery. The Dr said that it will usually happen when the child grows over 100 lbs so unless something happens this is still a few years off. I want to thank each and everyone of you that has said a prayer or sent well wishes during this time.
I can't remember is I said we got a dog. If I didn't we got a 1 1/2 yo chihuahua/ dachshund mix (chiweenie). Her name is Dixie and for the most part we couldn't ask for a better dog. She is truly a daddy's girl. When J is home she is at his heels anywhere he goes. If he goes to the bathroom she sits outside the door waiting. If he goes outside and she doesn't she will sit at the door and whine until he either lets her out with him or he comes back in. She is so good during the day that he is gone, but once he is home I don't exist anymore unless J is near me or I am cooking.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
J signed in today. Our vacation is officially over. We had a great time, saw some people we hadn't seen in a while, and made a few memories to last us a life time. I think this is what we both needed.
One of my highlights was taking my nephews M & N to Hooters. N wanted his picture taken with the waitress so bad so he asked her. I told him I was going to put it on FB he told me that he didn't want me to in case his other girlfriends saw it. We also took them to the dock and let them feed fish out of baby bottle.
We went to hospital and saw baby nephew B. He is doing so well. He has been moved to a regular room this weekend. My brother and SIL got to hold him for the first time since his surgery yesterday. That was a great mood lifter for everyone. We are going back tomorrow and I can't wait to get my hands on the little guy.
Tomorrow will be a busy day. Besides going to the hospital we are going to a benefit for the Sgt that was with J when he was involved in the IED blast. He unfortunately lost both of his legs below the knees. A business man in Nashville is helping them raise money so they can build a house to accommodate a double amputee. I think this is going to be a bittersweet experience for J. This will be the first time he has seen him since the incident. I hope they are able to raise enough money to help him.
One of my highlights was taking my nephews M & N to Hooters. N wanted his picture taken with the waitress so bad so he asked her. I told him I was going to put it on FB he told me that he didn't want me to in case his other girlfriends saw it. We also took them to the dock and let them feed fish out of baby bottle.
We went to hospital and saw baby nephew B. He is doing so well. He has been moved to a regular room this weekend. My brother and SIL got to hold him for the first time since his surgery yesterday. That was a great mood lifter for everyone. We are going back tomorrow and I can't wait to get my hands on the little guy.
Tomorrow will be a busy day. Besides going to the hospital we are going to a benefit for the Sgt that was with J when he was involved in the IED blast. He unfortunately lost both of his legs below the knees. A business man in Nashville is helping them raise money so they can build a house to accommodate a double amputee. I think this is going to be a bittersweet experience for J. This will be the first time he has seen him since the incident. I hope they are able to raise enough money to help him.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
God is Good!!!
Baby Bo had his surgery yesterday. It was only suppose to be about 3-4 hours, but it turned into a 10 hour surgery. There were complications that the surgery team was not prepared for. Thankfully they knew what they were doing and were able to handle it. Bo has made it through the first night and is getting his chest closed today. Next step is to be taken off the ventilator and moved out of the PCCU. God has been very good to this little boy.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Vacation
Since the beginning of the month J has had leave. We have put almost 4000 miles on the car just visiting. J is finally acting more and more like his old self. It still comes and goes, but now when it comes it does stay longer and it is more frequent.
We started our vacation off by going to my Grandpa's in IL. There we just hung out and ate. While we were there we spent Mother's Day with my sister that I have not seen since our wedding. I also got to meet her husband for the first time. That sounds crazy since their son is graduating high school, but that is a long and complicated story.
From IL we then went to Myrtle Beach with an overnight stop at my parents. While in MB we stayed with J's buddy from AIT. He had just got home from a year in Korea. It was good to see J just relax. I think this was the first time that J was truly not on "high alert" since he got home.
From MB we went to his Grandparent's in Jacksonville, NC. I enjoyed my time there. We went crabbing, which is something I enjoy doing even though I can't eat the fruits of my labor, J loves crab and he says there is nothing better than catching crabs then going home to eat them.
From his Grandparent's we went to Greeneville. We will be here till sometime next week. My nephew is having open heart surgery tomorrow and we are here to help with my other 2 nephews. We haven't done anything spectacular here, but its nice just to veg out and relax.
From here we will go back to Fort Campbell and begin the next chapter of our lives since once the post deployment leave is over the chapter of our first deployment will be as well.
We started our vacation off by going to my Grandpa's in IL. There we just hung out and ate. While we were there we spent Mother's Day with my sister that I have not seen since our wedding. I also got to meet her husband for the first time. That sounds crazy since their son is graduating high school, but that is a long and complicated story.
From IL we then went to Myrtle Beach with an overnight stop at my parents. While in MB we stayed with J's buddy from AIT. He had just got home from a year in Korea. It was good to see J just relax. I think this was the first time that J was truly not on "high alert" since he got home.
From MB we went to his Grandparent's in Jacksonville, NC. I enjoyed my time there. We went crabbing, which is something I enjoy doing even though I can't eat the fruits of my labor, J loves crab and he says there is nothing better than catching crabs then going home to eat them.
From his Grandparent's we went to Greeneville. We will be here till sometime next week. My nephew is having open heart surgery tomorrow and we are here to help with my other 2 nephews. We haven't done anything spectacular here, but its nice just to veg out and relax.
From here we will go back to Fort Campbell and begin the next chapter of our lives since once the post deployment leave is over the chapter of our first deployment will be as well.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Realizations
Its been a few weeks since I have blogged. J got 30 days leave and we have been traveling and visiting. I have tried to sit down on several occasions to put my thoughts down but I have had so many things going on in my head that I couldn't get it together.
In the last 3 weeks I have come to a realization. My life in the civilian world is pretty much over. My civilian friends don't understand my military life. I am the only one that has made any kind of effort to keep these friendships going unless they needed something. J said something that pretty much summed things up. He said he was tired of chasing people that just have to see him while he is home, but don't make the effort to even communicate with him when he is 5 hours away.
Other than my family I don't feel like I have anyone that is truly there for me in the civilian world. Why? Because they don't know what its like to not sleep for days wondering if that knock is coming, or if he is going to come home a completely different man. They don't understand the pain and the heartache that comes with TBI test that doesn't come back clean.
The also don't understand the pride and the love it takes to stand out in the freezing cold to watch your man get off that plane. They don't understand the high of getting that first kiss in months. This is why I go through the things I do, because so far the highs in this life have been so much better than the lowest of the lows.
I have also come to realize that just because you are blood related it doesn't make you a family. For the most part my blood family is great, there are a few loose screws, but I didn't have much to do with them in the first place. Unfortunately J's blood family is entirely different. It is sad that it took 10 months in a war zone for us to finally realize who was there for us and who wasn't. Saying negative things, but thinking that its ok because you prayed for us is NOT alright by either of us. Saying you took care of him while he was gone but in reality didn't do a damn thing for him is not being a wonderful family member. And then they want to wonder why J doesn't want anything to do with them.
This life is not always easy. We have had our bumps in the road. You are either there for us or your not. If your not then don't expect us to be there for you.
In the last 3 weeks I have come to a realization. My life in the civilian world is pretty much over. My civilian friends don't understand my military life. I am the only one that has made any kind of effort to keep these friendships going unless they needed something. J said something that pretty much summed things up. He said he was tired of chasing people that just have to see him while he is home, but don't make the effort to even communicate with him when he is 5 hours away.
Other than my family I don't feel like I have anyone that is truly there for me in the civilian world. Why? Because they don't know what its like to not sleep for days wondering if that knock is coming, or if he is going to come home a completely different man. They don't understand the pain and the heartache that comes with TBI test that doesn't come back clean.
The also don't understand the pride and the love it takes to stand out in the freezing cold to watch your man get off that plane. They don't understand the high of getting that first kiss in months. This is why I go through the things I do, because so far the highs in this life have been so much better than the lowest of the lows.
I have also come to realize that just because you are blood related it doesn't make you a family. For the most part my blood family is great, there are a few loose screws, but I didn't have much to do with them in the first place. Unfortunately J's blood family is entirely different. It is sad that it took 10 months in a war zone for us to finally realize who was there for us and who wasn't. Saying negative things, but thinking that its ok because you prayed for us is NOT alright by either of us. Saying you took care of him while he was gone but in reality didn't do a damn thing for him is not being a wonderful family member. And then they want to wonder why J doesn't want anything to do with them.
This life is not always easy. We have had our bumps in the road. You are either there for us or your not. If your not then don't expect us to be there for you.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Bittersweet
The Taliban said it they were starting their "spring offensive", Guess it didn't start they way they wanted it to. Last night was the night many of us have waited for for almost a decade. The mastermind of 9/11 was killed. Many people are celebrating and saying that May 1st should be a holiday.
I am very happy that he was killed, BUT I don't think a lot of people realize that America just pissed off a whole group of people. We have taken out their leader. These people are going to want revenge.
We have men and women still overseas that may very well be in more danger today than they were yesterday. Last night I was so thankful that J was home, but it still doesn't mean that I am not scared for our servicemembers. I still have friends over there, I have friends set to deploy very soon.
May everyone that has died because of this man now be able to REST IN PEACE!
I am very happy that he was killed, BUT I don't think a lot of people realize that America just pissed off a whole group of people. We have taken out their leader. These people are going to want revenge.
We have men and women still overseas that may very well be in more danger today than they were yesterday. Last night I was so thankful that J was home, but it still doesn't mean that I am not scared for our servicemembers. I still have friends over there, I have friends set to deploy very soon.
May everyone that has died because of this man now be able to REST IN PEACE!
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