So if I put my goals out for 2011 I will be more likely to stick with them. I will fill like I have people to hold me accountable for my actions.
1. I want to loose some major lbs. J says he would like to see me in a top I wore a lot when we first started dating, because it made my boobs like huge. He says he doesn't care if I have to buy a new top, because he loves me just the way I am. So my goal is to wear that top to J's homecoming. Yes it is an appropriate top for something like that.
2.I want to get out of debt. With my student loans that will be kind of hard but if we can pay everything but my student loans off I will be happy.
3. My last goal I can't even begin to start till J gets home, but the thing I want the most is to get pregnant. I definitely would love to get pregnant right away that way I would know that J would be there for the birth and not on the other side of the world, but with my luck the Army will have other plans for him.
I don't think that my goals are unobtainable. I don't think that I am trying to do to much either. Fingers crossed that I will get to mark all 3 of these off my list. Well if I get pregnant I will have to wait to accomplish goal number 1 completely, but I will gladly do that and I will do my best to reach my goal before he gets home without killing myself.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
What a day!
I woke up this morning and my shoulder was killing me. I must have slept wrong on. On top of that I had and still have a migraine. Some people would say oh thats bad enough, but oh no, my day gets worse from there.
I call to make an appointment with another mechanic to fix my car. I talked to him and explained my whole situation and he tells me that from the sounds he will have to take out my transmission to find the problem. And it will be next week before he can get to me bacause he got behind from the bad weather and the holidays. Ok I understand, but dammit that means I will be without a car for atleast 2 weeks. Oh man this sucks having to depend on others for rides and I can't just go somewhere because I want or need to go, I am going to have to either borrow a vehicle or bum a ride.
I get to work and my computer decides it is still not ready for it to be Monday and just sits there and beeps at me for like an hour and a half. On top of that it is the 3rd of the month which means all the disability people get their checks which means busy crazy day for work. So not a day to be having computer problems.
My brother decides it will be funny to call me and say that he had called another mechanic to come look at my car and he said that I need a new transmission and clutch. All I could do is cry so he then tells me that he is joking. The only thing I could do was tell him to go F*ck himself and hang up. Thank goodness he was only joking (I hope he doesn't jinx me)
My boss told me that the supervisor told her to tell me not to count on a bonus for December because I took the time off while J was home for R & R. Sorry I am in a postion that I don't have to work, so I sure as hell wasn't going to work while he was home. I think its kind of crappy though. I was there for part of the month, I don't think I deserve the bonus for the whole month, but I do think I deserve something. I did my job the days I was there. Oh well I wouldn't have changed the fact I took the time off if I would have known.
It is just one of those days that I wish J was home. Not sure what he could do to make it better, but it sure would be nice to have him wrap his arms around me and just hold me and tell me that everything is going to be alright. If he could just be here to help me deal with everything so I don't have to depend on everyone else to do this or that for me.
I know this is irrational, but it is days like this that I get so mad at him for being gone. I know that if given a choice he would rather be here with me. I also know all the reasons for him to enlist and it was not a decision that we took lightly and I knew the consequences of marrying a man that had enlisted in the military, but dammit I think I deserve to get pissed off unfortunately I know I am getting p/oed at the wrong person. Its just so much easier to be mad at him than someone else because he can't back talk or do something to make me more mad (Unless I look at the bank account and see he went on a shopping spree), I also don't have to worry about saying something that I would regret and I don't have to apologize for being irrational. It is good thing he knew all my faults and still decided to take me as I am.
I call to make an appointment with another mechanic to fix my car. I talked to him and explained my whole situation and he tells me that from the sounds he will have to take out my transmission to find the problem. And it will be next week before he can get to me bacause he got behind from the bad weather and the holidays. Ok I understand, but dammit that means I will be without a car for atleast 2 weeks. Oh man this sucks having to depend on others for rides and I can't just go somewhere because I want or need to go, I am going to have to either borrow a vehicle or bum a ride.
I get to work and my computer decides it is still not ready for it to be Monday and just sits there and beeps at me for like an hour and a half. On top of that it is the 3rd of the month which means all the disability people get their checks which means busy crazy day for work. So not a day to be having computer problems.
My brother decides it will be funny to call me and say that he had called another mechanic to come look at my car and he said that I need a new transmission and clutch. All I could do is cry so he then tells me that he is joking. The only thing I could do was tell him to go F*ck himself and hang up. Thank goodness he was only joking (I hope he doesn't jinx me)
My boss told me that the supervisor told her to tell me not to count on a bonus for December because I took the time off while J was home for R & R. Sorry I am in a postion that I don't have to work, so I sure as hell wasn't going to work while he was home. I think its kind of crappy though. I was there for part of the month, I don't think I deserve the bonus for the whole month, but I do think I deserve something. I did my job the days I was there. Oh well I wouldn't have changed the fact I took the time off if I would have known.
It is just one of those days that I wish J was home. Not sure what he could do to make it better, but it sure would be nice to have him wrap his arms around me and just hold me and tell me that everything is going to be alright. If he could just be here to help me deal with everything so I don't have to depend on everyone else to do this or that for me.
I know this is irrational, but it is days like this that I get so mad at him for being gone. I know that if given a choice he would rather be here with me. I also know all the reasons for him to enlist and it was not a decision that we took lightly and I knew the consequences of marrying a man that had enlisted in the military, but dammit I think I deserve to get pissed off unfortunately I know I am getting p/oed at the wrong person. Its just so much easier to be mad at him than someone else because he can't back talk or do something to make me more mad (Unless I look at the bank account and see he went on a shopping spree), I also don't have to worry about saying something that I would regret and I don't have to apologize for being irrational. It is good thing he knew all my faults and still decided to take me as I am.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Reflecting on 2010
2010 was a hard year. I moved away from my hometown, sent J off on a deployment, and found out that having a baby wasn't going to be as easy as it is for some. Through all the bad, I do have to say that I am truely blessed. I have an awesome family, terrific friends, and a man that loves the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to me.
Moving away for the first time was hard. It was an experience I am glad I am able to do. I only wish it was to some place that I had never been to before. If J stays in I hope that his next enlistment we PCS to somewhere that we would not have been able to go to otherwise.
The months leading up to J's deployment were crazy, with his training, trying to get everything together, seeing the people he needed to see, and make the most out of the time we had there wasn't alot of time for anything else. It didn't clearly hit me until we were packing his bags that this was really happening.
Putting J on that bus had to have been the hardest thing I have ever done. I stood there with so much pride in what he was doing, but my heart was breaking at the same time. I didn't know how I was going to make it through the next year with him gone.
2 weeks after he left I found out about the fertility issues that I have. Needless to say I was still emotional about him leaving and then to get hit with this. That was hard and I hated J for not being here .
I spent a lot of July and August traveling. I went to my Grandpa's in July to spend time with the family. Unfortunately I tore the ligaments in my ankle halfway through this vacation. I went to Alaska to visit some friend after that. It was an amazing experience. I wish I could have stayed longer and not been on crutches. I hope one day J and I can go back to explore.
Then not a lot happened until December, I started back working in October, but other than that it was just the normal day to day activities. J tried his best to make it home for my birthday. He made it 3 days late. It was the best 15 days I had in 6 months.
Can't believe it is already 2011. We are more than halfway through our first deployment. He will be home in the spring, unfortunately we won't have much time before we start gearing up for deployment #2. We are going to work on having a baby, even if we have to look into other means of having one. It is going to be a good year!
Moving away for the first time was hard. It was an experience I am glad I am able to do. I only wish it was to some place that I had never been to before. If J stays in I hope that his next enlistment we PCS to somewhere that we would not have been able to go to otherwise.
The months leading up to J's deployment were crazy, with his training, trying to get everything together, seeing the people he needed to see, and make the most out of the time we had there wasn't alot of time for anything else. It didn't clearly hit me until we were packing his bags that this was really happening.
Putting J on that bus had to have been the hardest thing I have ever done. I stood there with so much pride in what he was doing, but my heart was breaking at the same time. I didn't know how I was going to make it through the next year with him gone.
2 weeks after he left I found out about the fertility issues that I have. Needless to say I was still emotional about him leaving and then to get hit with this. That was hard and I hated J for not being here .
I spent a lot of July and August traveling. I went to my Grandpa's in July to spend time with the family. Unfortunately I tore the ligaments in my ankle halfway through this vacation. I went to Alaska to visit some friend after that. It was an amazing experience. I wish I could have stayed longer and not been on crutches. I hope one day J and I can go back to explore.
Then not a lot happened until December, I started back working in October, but other than that it was just the normal day to day activities. J tried his best to make it home for my birthday. He made it 3 days late. It was the best 15 days I had in 6 months.
Can't believe it is already 2011. We are more than halfway through our first deployment. He will be home in the spring, unfortunately we won't have much time before we start gearing up for deployment #2. We are going to work on having a baby, even if we have to look into other means of having one. It is going to be a good year!
Friday, December 31, 2010
A continuation of my car drama
So I took my car back to be fixed this morning. I get it back and it is not fixed. As a matter of fact it is worse than it was when I started this nonsence. When I got home from work it smelled like there was something burning so my brother was looking around. We found where some hydrolic fluid was leaking and he found a brake spring around the clutch. No wonder my clutch isn't working. So I am done with taking it to that mechanic. Now I have to pay someone else to fix their screwup. I am so mad.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
A little uncomfortable
I work at a loan company and unfortunately our higher ups are greedy and make us work late to try to make them that extra dollar. When we work late we are usually the only people in the shopping center and the lighting is not good. Tonight was a little unnerving. A few minutes before we were suppose to leave K went to put some stuff in her car. I thought I heard her talking to someone, when I got up to look I see her walking across the parking lot so I sat back down thinking I was just hearing things. She comes back in and asks if I saw him. Him turned out to be a guy I used to run around with in high school. We quit hanging out when he got bad into drugs. K proceeds to tell me he was right outside our door with a hood over his head. A few minutes later 5 cop cars are in our parking lot and talking to this guy. Not sure what that was all about, but it is a little nerve wracking to think of what he was doing there standing outside our door in the dark. Now when he is sober I would never think that he would hurt me, but with him on drugs you just never know. I hate this guy turned out the way he did.
Even though now I am home, I am still a little freaked out. What if he was going to try and rob us? What did he do that there were so many cop cars surrounding him?
Even though now I am home, I am still a little freaked out. What if he was going to try and rob us? What did he do that there were so many cop cars surrounding him?
I am not an idiot.
I had my clutch replaced less than a month ago. Today was the 2nd time I have had my car in the shop because of this clutch. The tell me it is a spring this time, ok fine. I go to pick up my car and I can't put it in gear. I go in and tell the guy and another mechanic comes up and tells me that I need to push the clutch in. So he comes outside to show me how to work the clutch. UMM HELLO I know how a clutch works. He has major problems getting it to go in gear and it grinds when he does. He proceeds to tell me that I need a new clutch. WHAT?!?!?!?!?!? He just put a new clutch in less than a month ago. Another mechanic comes out and tells me the throw out bearing must be bad. YEAH YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO CHANGE THAT AS WELL LESS THAN A MONTH AGO! So my car is still not fixed and these people are idiots or they think I am one. I am so mad that someone had to drive my car from the bay to the front of the buiding and did not "notice" that there was a problem. Then they try to make it sound like it was operator error.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
I think he just knows
J called me last night to let me know that he was fixing to travel back to the FOB. As some of you know we are TTC, without much luck. My Dr put me on some fertility meds and I was really hoping that while he was home for R&R that it would be our turn. I had pysched myself up, only to be disappointed. As I was laying in bed last night crying, my phone rings and it is J. His flight was cancelled,so he called to let me know. I tried to hide my disappointment, but he knows me well enough that he knew something was wrong. So I told him, of course he said the right stuff to make me feel better, even though I was disappointed. He normally would not have called me since it was late, but somehow he just knew I needed reassurance that only he could give. Gosh I love that man.
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