My last post was about being pregnant. It is with a heavy heart that I have to say that I miscarried this past Tuesday. It all started last Friday night when I started spotting and I was in the ER. By the way never go to the ER during a shift change. I sat around and waited for almost 2 hours for them to take my catheter out, because the nurses that just came on duty knew nothing about it even being in.
Tuesday I went to the Dr for a follow up and she did an ultrasound and the baby only measured 4 to 5 weeks and it hadn't grown any since the ultrasound at the ER. I should have been 7 weeks and 2 days. That night I started to bleed heavily. I won't go into anymore details, but I guess you get the picture.
Poor J he has been such a trooper through all of this. How the hell did I get so lucky to have a man like that. He has let me cry, yell, and scream at him and he just sits there and lets me. I even told him that I hated him and he said ok. Of course I don't hate him, I just hate the situation and it came out of my mouth that it was him. So of course I felt bad and I go upstairs to cry and even though I just told him I hated him he followed me upstairs and climbed into bed with me just to hold me while I cried. Now who could be mad at someone that will do that?
So now are new joke is do I hate him today or do I like him. He will ask me that every morning either when he calls me after PT or this morning he called me while I was at work and asked me. Of course he was calling to see what time I was coming home for lunch, but he had to ask if I hated him today or not.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Baby on board!
After almost 3 years minus training, a deployment, and countless other times apart, I am finally pregnant!!! I haven't been to the Dr yet, I go November 3, but by my calculations I am a little over 6 weeks. I should be due around June 17th.
This has been a long hard road, and at many times wondered if it was even worth the fight. The first time I say the positive test, I knew it was definitely worth every tear that I have shed. Needless to say I am over the moon happy.
J is just as happy as I am. He has went online and made a list of everything we need and the average price of it so we know how much money we need to save between now and probably March when we start buying stuff. He has already decided if we have a boy his room will be done in Mossy Oak camo. It is to cute and when someone says anything about the baby he just beams with happiness. I am blessed to have such a good man in my life.
This has been a long hard road, and at many times wondered if it was even worth the fight. The first time I say the positive test, I knew it was definitely worth every tear that I have shed. Needless to say I am over the moon happy.
J is just as happy as I am. He has went online and made a list of everything we need and the average price of it so we know how much money we need to save between now and probably March when we start buying stuff. He has already decided if we have a boy his room will be done in Mossy Oak camo. It is to cute and when someone says anything about the baby he just beams with happiness. I am blessed to have such a good man in my life.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Early Christmas anyone!!!
J wanted a new toolbox, one of those big ones that roll. So a couple weeks ago, they were HALF PRICED. Which for a $300 toolbox that is an awesome deal. I was going to get him one for Christmas anyways, so why not get it while it is on sale. I don't think it will get any better than that price between now and Christmas. I guess that shows how big of a markup those suckers have if they can sell them 1/2 off. Since I didn't have any place I could put it till Christmas and wrapping it would be a pain I just went ahead and gave it to him. He is so excited, but now he wants more tools to put in it.
I wanted a new camera. Mine is like 5 years old, just a little old cheap camera. I love taking pictures, but my camera sucked. So last weekend J bought me a new camera. I am so excited, I think I have taken pictures everyday since he gave it to me. It is amazing the much more fun taking pictures is now that I have a better quality camera.
I wanted a new camera. Mine is like 5 years old, just a little old cheap camera. I love taking pictures, but my camera sucked. So last weekend J bought me a new camera. I am so excited, I think I have taken pictures everyday since he gave it to me. It is amazing the much more fun taking pictures is now that I have a better quality camera.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
How did we get to the end of September?
I keep saying I don't know how there is enough time to get everything accomplished. I go to bed and its the end of August, I wake up and its the end of September. I swear I am going to do better, I want to do better with my blogging. I just need more hours in the day to accomplish everything.
I had my tests ran from where I was in the ER. I have a VERY small fibroid. My Dr isn't worried, she just said that it is something that I now have to watch.
The things wrong with J have just been a roller coaster ride. His therapy is going so good. Our marriage is better than its ever been. He is dealing with things that should have been dealt with years ago. As he works through things other things pop up. Things that he didn't realize bothered him before. The therapist says this is normal. A person is has a couple things that really bother them and then there are others that are bother them, but the bigger things overshadow the smaller things and as the bigger things are dealt with the smaller things start coming out.
On top of his emotional and mental issues that are being handled, he is also having some physical problems. His knee is messed up. He is now in physical therapy for that and it looks like he might be headed to surgery to repair that. His hearing is also very much gone, so he will be getting hearing aids next month. The also want him to have a MRI done to make sure that there is not something else that is causing the hearing loss.
The Army has decided that he needs to go in front of the MRB. His paperwork was filed on the 23rd so he has 60 days to go in front of them. They will decided what they are going to do with him. He was told he could get medically discharged or they could just make him non deployable and let him finish out his contract. The Army is downsizing so not to sure the second option will happen. I knew all along that J was not in it for the long haul, but the thought of him getting out now scares the crap out of me. When he told me over lunch that his paperwork was filed I wanted to vomit.
We had plans, plans that involved him deploying again and saving all that extra money so we would have a down payment for a house. Now it looks like no matter what those plans are changing. But looking at the issues he is having I am happy that he won't be deploying again and him being worse than he already was.
I had my tests ran from where I was in the ER. I have a VERY small fibroid. My Dr isn't worried, she just said that it is something that I now have to watch.
The things wrong with J have just been a roller coaster ride. His therapy is going so good. Our marriage is better than its ever been. He is dealing with things that should have been dealt with years ago. As he works through things other things pop up. Things that he didn't realize bothered him before. The therapist says this is normal. A person is has a couple things that really bother them and then there are others that are bother them, but the bigger things overshadow the smaller things and as the bigger things are dealt with the smaller things start coming out.
On top of his emotional and mental issues that are being handled, he is also having some physical problems. His knee is messed up. He is now in physical therapy for that and it looks like he might be headed to surgery to repair that. His hearing is also very much gone, so he will be getting hearing aids next month. The also want him to have a MRI done to make sure that there is not something else that is causing the hearing loss.
The Army has decided that he needs to go in front of the MRB. His paperwork was filed on the 23rd so he has 60 days to go in front of them. They will decided what they are going to do with him. He was told he could get medically discharged or they could just make him non deployable and let him finish out his contract. The Army is downsizing so not to sure the second option will happen. I knew all along that J was not in it for the long haul, but the thought of him getting out now scares the crap out of me. When he told me over lunch that his paperwork was filed I wanted to vomit.
We had plans, plans that involved him deploying again and saving all that extra money so we would have a down payment for a house. Now it looks like no matter what those plans are changing. But looking at the issues he is having I am happy that he won't be deploying again and him being worse than he already was.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Updates
My last blog I was saying how there just didn't seem like there was enough hours in a day anymore. Well add being sick to that and that will explain why I haven't blogged or even read any blogs in a good week. I swear, here we are the last week of August and it just seems like J got home a few weeks ago, its actually been almost 5 months.
J is still doing good with his counseling. I have went to 1 of his sessions and plan on going to more. He is still having issues, but he is working on it and I am proud of him for it. He goes the 7th for his hearing aids, which I am happy about that way he can't say he didn't hear me.
I went to a new gyn and she doesn't think that getting pregnant is going to be as hard as my other Dr was letting on. Yes its been awhile, but we have been under all kinds of stress. So we are just going to keep trying and now that most of the stress is gone for the time being we will see what happens. I really like my new dr and she is so optimistic that it is almost contagious. She didn't change anything like I thought she would.
J is still doing good with his counseling. I have went to 1 of his sessions and plan on going to more. He is still having issues, but he is working on it and I am proud of him for it. He goes the 7th for his hearing aids, which I am happy about that way he can't say he didn't hear me.
I went to a new gyn and she doesn't think that getting pregnant is going to be as hard as my other Dr was letting on. Yes its been awhile, but we have been under all kinds of stress. So we are just going to keep trying and now that most of the stress is gone for the time being we will see what happens. I really like my new dr and she is so optimistic that it is almost contagious. She didn't change anything like I thought she would.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Time
Where does the time go? I never seem to have enough time anymore. I wake and its August 1st, I blink and its the middle of the month. There just doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day anymore. I haven't been neglecting my blog or reading other blogs on purpose, its that I need more time in my day to get everything accomplished.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
RIP
31 lost, 31 unwanted visits, 31 doors receive that dreaded knock, 31 families with shattered hearts, 31 pairs of boots lined up with rifles, dog tags and helmets, 31 comrades remembered and grieved for, 31 funeral services, 31 names on newly made grave markers, 31 empty places at the table, 31 souls who gave all and whose lives leave a void.
I meant to post this last night, but I fell asleep. This is the biggest fear of any family member of US military. My thoughts and prayers are with these families affected.
I meant to post this last night, but I fell asleep. This is the biggest fear of any family member of US military. My thoughts and prayers are with these families affected.
Move the F*^$ over
So one of my many pet peeves is not getting over for emergency vehicles. Yesterday me and J were on our way to Nashville and there was a major wreck on the interstate. So bad it blocked traffic on both the east and west bound lanes. Yeah it was BAD!!!! So we are sitting in traffic and hear sirens (obviously) once J realized the the sirens were coming from behind us he pulled his little car off into the median to allow the emergency vehicles to pass. But guess what none of the vehicles that were in front of us did anything to try to make a way for them to pass. Guess they didn't want to get there vehicles dirty since the median was muddy. I was so mad that I wanted to get out IN THE RAIN and go knock on all those vehicles to tell them to move the f*ck over.
I also would like to ask these same inconsiderate people how they would feel if a loved one was involved in that accident, and because of them not moving for the emergency personnel, that loved one died. The matter of minutes in an emergency situation can be life or death.
What is really bad is that in the state of TN it is a $500 fine for not getting over for emergency vehicles. Now I am not sure how they enforce this since they have bigger issues to deal with, but I think it would be nice for those inconsiderate SOBs to get a nice little ticket from TDOT or the state troopers or somebody just to say F*ck you, you should have got your wheels dirty and moved over.
I also would like to ask these same inconsiderate people how they would feel if a loved one was involved in that accident, and because of them not moving for the emergency personnel, that loved one died. The matter of minutes in an emergency situation can be life or death.
What is really bad is that in the state of TN it is a $500 fine for not getting over for emergency vehicles. Now I am not sure how they enforce this since they have bigger issues to deal with, but I think it would be nice for those inconsiderate SOBs to get a nice little ticket from TDOT or the state troopers or somebody just to say F*ck you, you should have got your wheels dirty and moved over.
Friday, August 5, 2011
New beginnings
J went to his first counseling session this week. I think just that one session has helped immensely. That probably sounds crazy to some of you, but there is just so much inside of him that he needs to get out, starting way back at his childhood before his dad passed away. The counselor wants to start off just talking with J, then eventually add me into the sessions. So he goes once a week for the month of August and then I will start going at the end of the month. J told me the night after the first session that he has never felt so good about the stuff from his past before. He was just amazed at how much he opened up to a complete stranger. He has even talked to me about stuff that in the 6 1/2 years together he has never even mentioned. He has told me about the day his dad died, which before he has always said he didn't want to talk about it. I didn't ask he just told then I asked questions and he answered them, which really surprised me. I hope that he continues to thrive with these sessions especially since he really didn't want to go in the first place, but now he is eager for his next session. I think he has finally seen he can move past his past and that it doesn't have to hinder his future. I just wish that if I would have known that counseling would help him this much that I would have encouraged him to go sooner,
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Rough spot
A lot has happened since the last post I made. I lot of things that I needed to figure out on my own, and things me and J had to work on.
My last post talked about a decision to stay here at Fort Campbell or PCS to JBLM. We have decided that what is best for us is to stay here at Campbell. I am a little disappointed, just because of the adventure of moving on the other side of the country, but at this time for J's career, both in the military and once he gets out, it is best we stay here.
I have found a job. YAY!!! for a paycheck. Its really not what I wanted to do, but I do have some options that I am looking at. I just don't want to be a job hopper.
The thing that has really kept me from blogging is my marriage has hit a rough spot. I can't put the blame on either of us since we both have issues that need to be worked on. We have decided that we want to work them out so we are taking the steps to make our marriage stronger. Its not that we don't love each other, its that we both have issues that need to be worked on.
For pretty much the entire time we have been married we have been separated due to training and a deployment. So for 2 years I have been the one that had to make sure the bills got paid, that things were taken care of at home, if the car broke down I had to figure out how to get it fixed. J hasn't had to worry about that stuff. When he was deployed I didn't really tell him about the different stuff just because I didn't want to add stress on him. So pretty much for 2 years I have been on my own. It is really hard to just up and give someone else part of that control, I still feel like everything is still on me and my responsibility, which makes me mad because I don't feel like J is taking on any responsibility.
On J's part, for 2 years he has pretty much lived with other men and at times hygiene was not a top priority. He has also had some anger issues. So sometimes I think he forgets that he is living with a woman that is not a complete slob. Sometimes his mouth is a little crude and will talk to me in a condescending tone or will yell and cuss at me, and sometimes he doesn't pick up after himself.
It's like he is a child at times and I am his mother. I have to ask him to do stuff around the house, when it is obvious that it needs to get done. It didn't bother me so bad that he didn't do much around the house when I wasn't working, but now that I am, I need help. Some days I want to yell at him "If you want a maid, hire one. If you want a mother, move back in with yours."
So how do we fix something that has almost gotten out of control? First we bought the book The 5 Love Languages and we are working on trying to follow that. J starts counseling on Tuesday for his anger and other issues. We are not opposed to marriage counseling if these things don't work. I am trying to give up some of my control of things and give him responsibilities. We are in this for the long haul, we just need to get through this rough patch.
My last post talked about a decision to stay here at Fort Campbell or PCS to JBLM. We have decided that what is best for us is to stay here at Campbell. I am a little disappointed, just because of the adventure of moving on the other side of the country, but at this time for J's career, both in the military and once he gets out, it is best we stay here.
I have found a job. YAY!!! for a paycheck. Its really not what I wanted to do, but I do have some options that I am looking at. I just don't want to be a job hopper.
The thing that has really kept me from blogging is my marriage has hit a rough spot. I can't put the blame on either of us since we both have issues that need to be worked on. We have decided that we want to work them out so we are taking the steps to make our marriage stronger. Its not that we don't love each other, its that we both have issues that need to be worked on.
For pretty much the entire time we have been married we have been separated due to training and a deployment. So for 2 years I have been the one that had to make sure the bills got paid, that things were taken care of at home, if the car broke down I had to figure out how to get it fixed. J hasn't had to worry about that stuff. When he was deployed I didn't really tell him about the different stuff just because I didn't want to add stress on him. So pretty much for 2 years I have been on my own. It is really hard to just up and give someone else part of that control, I still feel like everything is still on me and my responsibility, which makes me mad because I don't feel like J is taking on any responsibility.
On J's part, for 2 years he has pretty much lived with other men and at times hygiene was not a top priority. He has also had some anger issues. So sometimes I think he forgets that he is living with a woman that is not a complete slob. Sometimes his mouth is a little crude and will talk to me in a condescending tone or will yell and cuss at me, and sometimes he doesn't pick up after himself.
It's like he is a child at times and I am his mother. I have to ask him to do stuff around the house, when it is obvious that it needs to get done. It didn't bother me so bad that he didn't do much around the house when I wasn't working, but now that I am, I need help. Some days I want to yell at him "If you want a maid, hire one. If you want a mother, move back in with yours."
So how do we fix something that has almost gotten out of control? First we bought the book The 5 Love Languages and we are working on trying to follow that. J starts counseling on Tuesday for his anger and other issues. We are not opposed to marriage counseling if these things don't work. I am trying to give up some of my control of things and give him responsibilities. We are in this for the long haul, we just need to get through this rough patch.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Decisions
J came home today and said "We need to talk" Before he enlisted that translated to "I got laid off", since he has to do something REALLY bad to get kicked out of the Army I wasn't to worried about that.
He proceeds to tell me that he and his 1SGT were talking and we now have 1 week to decide if we want to PCS to Joint Base Lewis-McChord. This was on top of my wish list, but now that it could possibly be a reality, it scares the shit out of me. It is a move across the country, to an area neither of us know anything about far away from our families (ok that scares me more than J, but still). We do have friends that are stationed there so we wouldn't totally be alone.
We need to figure out what is best for us, so I am going to list my pros and cons list here.
Pros of Fort Campbell- close to hometown, already sort of established here,
Cons of Fort Campbell- deploying next summer, having problems finding a job
Pros of JBLM- never been before and there is a lot of places I want to explore, the Clarks are there, won't have to deploy the rest of this enlistment, it was on my wish list, better chance of getting pregnant since J won't have rotations for training at different posts
Cons of JBLM- on the other side of the country, not sure how the job market is
Those are all I can think of right now, I am sure there are more, but my mind has been so jumbled up that I can't think clearly right now. It looks like the pros of JBLM outweigh the cons and Fort Campbell, but we will just need to see where this goes.
He proceeds to tell me that he and his 1SGT were talking and we now have 1 week to decide if we want to PCS to Joint Base Lewis-McChord. This was on top of my wish list, but now that it could possibly be a reality, it scares the shit out of me. It is a move across the country, to an area neither of us know anything about far away from our families (ok that scares me more than J, but still). We do have friends that are stationed there so we wouldn't totally be alone.
We need to figure out what is best for us, so I am going to list my pros and cons list here.
Pros of Fort Campbell- close to hometown, already sort of established here,
Cons of Fort Campbell- deploying next summer, having problems finding a job
Pros of JBLM- never been before and there is a lot of places I want to explore, the Clarks are there, won't have to deploy the rest of this enlistment, it was on my wish list, better chance of getting pregnant since J won't have rotations for training at different posts
Cons of JBLM- on the other side of the country, not sure how the job market is
Those are all I can think of right now, I am sure there are more, but my mind has been so jumbled up that I can't think clearly right now. It looks like the pros of JBLM outweigh the cons and Fort Campbell, but we will just need to see where this goes.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
I just can't!
I have tried to sit down and blog a couple of times since my last post. I have so much going through my head that I need to get out, but when I sit down to write, I can't. I can't get my thoughts together. I can't concentrate on what I am doing. I just can't.
On Father's Day I was going to write about it being Father's Day and how great my Dad and Grandpa are. How I hope this is J's last not being a father. But all I could get out was ... nothing.
I have wanted to talk about our new dog and how we are adjusting and the silly things she does. Still ... nothing
I needed to get out my frustrations and my impatience of not getting pregnant, when there are so many woman it comes so easily to. Yep, still nothing.
Or what about my frustrations and impatience of not finding a job... Nada!
So maybe one day I will be able to sit down and just get it all out, but it doesn't look like it will be in the near future.
On Father's Day I was going to write about it being Father's Day and how great my Dad and Grandpa are. How I hope this is J's last not being a father. But all I could get out was ... nothing.
I have wanted to talk about our new dog and how we are adjusting and the silly things she does. Still ... nothing
I needed to get out my frustrations and my impatience of not getting pregnant, when there are so many woman it comes so easily to. Yep, still nothing.
Or what about my frustrations and impatience of not finding a job... Nada!
So maybe one day I will be able to sit down and just get it all out, but it doesn't look like it will be in the near future.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
1 year!!!!
I have had this blog for 1 year now. It is crazy to think of what all has happened in the past year. Its hard to believe how fast the year has gone by, and at this point last year I could not wait to get to where I am today.
1 year ago today, was the day before J left for his deployment. We had went to a B&B to spend our last night together. It was a great way to have one last chance to just be us before all the craziness of the deployment started.
Today the deployment is just a memory. We have a few months before we start gearing up for the next one. Tonight we are just hanging out at the house doing our regular thing. Acting like an old married couple, watching tv till it gets dark then off to bed.
1 year ago I did not know how in the hell I was going to make it through a deployment. For over 5 years I had J be my side even when he was in BCT and AIT, I still felt like J was by my side. What in the world was I going to do.
I found out how to make it through a deployment. One day at a time and when that is to hard one hour at a time. I guess the old saying is true: "You don't know how strong you are till being strong is your only option."
1 year ago today, was the day before J left for his deployment. We had went to a B&B to spend our last night together. It was a great way to have one last chance to just be us before all the craziness of the deployment started.
Today the deployment is just a memory. We have a few months before we start gearing up for the next one. Tonight we are just hanging out at the house doing our regular thing. Acting like an old married couple, watching tv till it gets dark then off to bed.
1 year ago I did not know how in the hell I was going to make it through a deployment. For over 5 years I had J be my side even when he was in BCT and AIT, I still felt like J was by my side. What in the world was I going to do.
I found out how to make it through a deployment. One day at a time and when that is to hard one hour at a time. I guess the old saying is true: "You don't know how strong you are till being strong is your only option."
Thursday, June 9, 2011
So Sunday we went to that benefit I talked about last time. We had a good time until J spilled his drink in his lap and got mad/embarrassed/whatever and insisted that we leave. I met a lot of guys from his unit. Since he was moved mid deployment I didn't know anyone in his unit until he got back. They all seem like a great group of men. I met a few spouses/fiances/girlfriends while I was there. They all seemed really nice to. I hope since we found out that J won't be going back to his old unit that I can get to know some of these ladies in the near future. The benefit raised a lot of money for the Sgt and his family. It was so inspiring to see this family. They had a tragedy and are making the best out of the situation. I hope we never have to go through anything like that, but if we do I hope we have half the strength that this family has shown.
Baby nephew is finally home. He got to go home yesterday. Everyone is so relieved that this chapter is over. We do know that there will be another surgery. The Dr said that it will usually happen when the child grows over 100 lbs so unless something happens this is still a few years off. I want to thank each and everyone of you that has said a prayer or sent well wishes during this time.
I can't remember is I said we got a dog. If I didn't we got a 1 1/2 yo chihuahua/ dachshund mix (chiweenie). Her name is Dixie and for the most part we couldn't ask for a better dog. She is truly a daddy's girl. When J is home she is at his heels anywhere he goes. If he goes to the bathroom she sits outside the door waiting. If he goes outside and she doesn't she will sit at the door and whine until he either lets her out with him or he comes back in. She is so good during the day that he is gone, but once he is home I don't exist anymore unless J is near me or I am cooking.
Baby nephew is finally home. He got to go home yesterday. Everyone is so relieved that this chapter is over. We do know that there will be another surgery. The Dr said that it will usually happen when the child grows over 100 lbs so unless something happens this is still a few years off. I want to thank each and everyone of you that has said a prayer or sent well wishes during this time.
I can't remember is I said we got a dog. If I didn't we got a 1 1/2 yo chihuahua/ dachshund mix (chiweenie). Her name is Dixie and for the most part we couldn't ask for a better dog. She is truly a daddy's girl. When J is home she is at his heels anywhere he goes. If he goes to the bathroom she sits outside the door waiting. If he goes outside and she doesn't she will sit at the door and whine until he either lets her out with him or he comes back in. She is so good during the day that he is gone, but once he is home I don't exist anymore unless J is near me or I am cooking.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
J signed in today. Our vacation is officially over. We had a great time, saw some people we hadn't seen in a while, and made a few memories to last us a life time. I think this is what we both needed.
One of my highlights was taking my nephews M & N to Hooters. N wanted his picture taken with the waitress so bad so he asked her. I told him I was going to put it on FB he told me that he didn't want me to in case his other girlfriends saw it. We also took them to the dock and let them feed fish out of baby bottle.
We went to hospital and saw baby nephew B. He is doing so well. He has been moved to a regular room this weekend. My brother and SIL got to hold him for the first time since his surgery yesterday. That was a great mood lifter for everyone. We are going back tomorrow and I can't wait to get my hands on the little guy.
Tomorrow will be a busy day. Besides going to the hospital we are going to a benefit for the Sgt that was with J when he was involved in the IED blast. He unfortunately lost both of his legs below the knees. A business man in Nashville is helping them raise money so they can build a house to accommodate a double amputee. I think this is going to be a bittersweet experience for J. This will be the first time he has seen him since the incident. I hope they are able to raise enough money to help him.
One of my highlights was taking my nephews M & N to Hooters. N wanted his picture taken with the waitress so bad so he asked her. I told him I was going to put it on FB he told me that he didn't want me to in case his other girlfriends saw it. We also took them to the dock and let them feed fish out of baby bottle.
We went to hospital and saw baby nephew B. He is doing so well. He has been moved to a regular room this weekend. My brother and SIL got to hold him for the first time since his surgery yesterday. That was a great mood lifter for everyone. We are going back tomorrow and I can't wait to get my hands on the little guy.
Tomorrow will be a busy day. Besides going to the hospital we are going to a benefit for the Sgt that was with J when he was involved in the IED blast. He unfortunately lost both of his legs below the knees. A business man in Nashville is helping them raise money so they can build a house to accommodate a double amputee. I think this is going to be a bittersweet experience for J. This will be the first time he has seen him since the incident. I hope they are able to raise enough money to help him.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
God is Good!!!
Baby Bo had his surgery yesterday. It was only suppose to be about 3-4 hours, but it turned into a 10 hour surgery. There were complications that the surgery team was not prepared for. Thankfully they knew what they were doing and were able to handle it. Bo has made it through the first night and is getting his chest closed today. Next step is to be taken off the ventilator and moved out of the PCCU. God has been very good to this little boy.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Vacation
Since the beginning of the month J has had leave. We have put almost 4000 miles on the car just visiting. J is finally acting more and more like his old self. It still comes and goes, but now when it comes it does stay longer and it is more frequent.
We started our vacation off by going to my Grandpa's in IL. There we just hung out and ate. While we were there we spent Mother's Day with my sister that I have not seen since our wedding. I also got to meet her husband for the first time. That sounds crazy since their son is graduating high school, but that is a long and complicated story.
From IL we then went to Myrtle Beach with an overnight stop at my parents. While in MB we stayed with J's buddy from AIT. He had just got home from a year in Korea. It was good to see J just relax. I think this was the first time that J was truly not on "high alert" since he got home.
From MB we went to his Grandparent's in Jacksonville, NC. I enjoyed my time there. We went crabbing, which is something I enjoy doing even though I can't eat the fruits of my labor, J loves crab and he says there is nothing better than catching crabs then going home to eat them.
From his Grandparent's we went to Greeneville. We will be here till sometime next week. My nephew is having open heart surgery tomorrow and we are here to help with my other 2 nephews. We haven't done anything spectacular here, but its nice just to veg out and relax.
From here we will go back to Fort Campbell and begin the next chapter of our lives since once the post deployment leave is over the chapter of our first deployment will be as well.
We started our vacation off by going to my Grandpa's in IL. There we just hung out and ate. While we were there we spent Mother's Day with my sister that I have not seen since our wedding. I also got to meet her husband for the first time. That sounds crazy since their son is graduating high school, but that is a long and complicated story.
From IL we then went to Myrtle Beach with an overnight stop at my parents. While in MB we stayed with J's buddy from AIT. He had just got home from a year in Korea. It was good to see J just relax. I think this was the first time that J was truly not on "high alert" since he got home.
From MB we went to his Grandparent's in Jacksonville, NC. I enjoyed my time there. We went crabbing, which is something I enjoy doing even though I can't eat the fruits of my labor, J loves crab and he says there is nothing better than catching crabs then going home to eat them.
From his Grandparent's we went to Greeneville. We will be here till sometime next week. My nephew is having open heart surgery tomorrow and we are here to help with my other 2 nephews. We haven't done anything spectacular here, but its nice just to veg out and relax.
From here we will go back to Fort Campbell and begin the next chapter of our lives since once the post deployment leave is over the chapter of our first deployment will be as well.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Realizations
Its been a few weeks since I have blogged. J got 30 days leave and we have been traveling and visiting. I have tried to sit down on several occasions to put my thoughts down but I have had so many things going on in my head that I couldn't get it together.
In the last 3 weeks I have come to a realization. My life in the civilian world is pretty much over. My civilian friends don't understand my military life. I am the only one that has made any kind of effort to keep these friendships going unless they needed something. J said something that pretty much summed things up. He said he was tired of chasing people that just have to see him while he is home, but don't make the effort to even communicate with him when he is 5 hours away.
Other than my family I don't feel like I have anyone that is truly there for me in the civilian world. Why? Because they don't know what its like to not sleep for days wondering if that knock is coming, or if he is going to come home a completely different man. They don't understand the pain and the heartache that comes with TBI test that doesn't come back clean.
The also don't understand the pride and the love it takes to stand out in the freezing cold to watch your man get off that plane. They don't understand the high of getting that first kiss in months. This is why I go through the things I do, because so far the highs in this life have been so much better than the lowest of the lows.
I have also come to realize that just because you are blood related it doesn't make you a family. For the most part my blood family is great, there are a few loose screws, but I didn't have much to do with them in the first place. Unfortunately J's blood family is entirely different. It is sad that it took 10 months in a war zone for us to finally realize who was there for us and who wasn't. Saying negative things, but thinking that its ok because you prayed for us is NOT alright by either of us. Saying you took care of him while he was gone but in reality didn't do a damn thing for him is not being a wonderful family member. And then they want to wonder why J doesn't want anything to do with them.
This life is not always easy. We have had our bumps in the road. You are either there for us or your not. If your not then don't expect us to be there for you.
In the last 3 weeks I have come to a realization. My life in the civilian world is pretty much over. My civilian friends don't understand my military life. I am the only one that has made any kind of effort to keep these friendships going unless they needed something. J said something that pretty much summed things up. He said he was tired of chasing people that just have to see him while he is home, but don't make the effort to even communicate with him when he is 5 hours away.
Other than my family I don't feel like I have anyone that is truly there for me in the civilian world. Why? Because they don't know what its like to not sleep for days wondering if that knock is coming, or if he is going to come home a completely different man. They don't understand the pain and the heartache that comes with TBI test that doesn't come back clean.
The also don't understand the pride and the love it takes to stand out in the freezing cold to watch your man get off that plane. They don't understand the high of getting that first kiss in months. This is why I go through the things I do, because so far the highs in this life have been so much better than the lowest of the lows.
I have also come to realize that just because you are blood related it doesn't make you a family. For the most part my blood family is great, there are a few loose screws, but I didn't have much to do with them in the first place. Unfortunately J's blood family is entirely different. It is sad that it took 10 months in a war zone for us to finally realize who was there for us and who wasn't. Saying negative things, but thinking that its ok because you prayed for us is NOT alright by either of us. Saying you took care of him while he was gone but in reality didn't do a damn thing for him is not being a wonderful family member. And then they want to wonder why J doesn't want anything to do with them.
This life is not always easy. We have had our bumps in the road. You are either there for us or your not. If your not then don't expect us to be there for you.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Bittersweet
The Taliban said it they were starting their "spring offensive", Guess it didn't start they way they wanted it to. Last night was the night many of us have waited for for almost a decade. The mastermind of 9/11 was killed. Many people are celebrating and saying that May 1st should be a holiday.
I am very happy that he was killed, BUT I don't think a lot of people realize that America just pissed off a whole group of people. We have taken out their leader. These people are going to want revenge.
We have men and women still overseas that may very well be in more danger today than they were yesterday. Last night I was so thankful that J was home, but it still doesn't mean that I am not scared for our servicemembers. I still have friends over there, I have friends set to deploy very soon.
May everyone that has died because of this man now be able to REST IN PEACE!
I am very happy that he was killed, BUT I don't think a lot of people realize that America just pissed off a whole group of people. We have taken out their leader. These people are going to want revenge.
We have men and women still overseas that may very well be in more danger today than they were yesterday. Last night I was so thankful that J was home, but it still doesn't mean that I am not scared for our servicemembers. I still have friends over there, I have friends set to deploy very soon.
May everyone that has died because of this man now be able to REST IN PEACE!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Just need to vent!
My nephew had a puppet competetion today. He did exceptionally well and his group won 1st place in their division. Yay!!! I am so proud of him.
Me and J went to watch and let me tell you the stuff leding up to the puppet part was boring. My nephew had trouble sitting still, but hey so did I. I can't blame the poor little guy.
All the other kids in his group seemed to have had a portable game system of some sort. His aunt from the other side of his family doesn't allow that sort of stuff. Well J pulled out his phone because he has games on it. Nephew sat there very quietly playing the game. I heard that if his father (my brother) wants him to behave badly and have bad habits that will have to be when he is with him. Umm he is sitting there quietly with the game. Without the game is his fidgeting, talking, and just being a bored little boy.
During intermission, the other aunt jumped all over my nephew because he is not to be playing games he is to be paying attention. I totally get that he needs to learn to sit quietly through boring stuff, but he is 7. His attention span is about the size of a pin prick. 3 hours is a long time to expect him to sit there and be good all the while everyone else has something to do.
Me and J had to leave shortly there after for fear that a scene would be caused. After we left I called my brother and he was not surprised. I told him that she might need to be reminded that she is not in charge and she is no better than me. We are both this boy's aunt and if I can get him to behave and she can't then she should be happy. I am not going to have her dictate how I treat my nephew and if he is behaving in a situation like that, then that is all that matters.
Me and J went to watch and let me tell you the stuff leding up to the puppet part was boring. My nephew had trouble sitting still, but hey so did I. I can't blame the poor little guy.
All the other kids in his group seemed to have had a portable game system of some sort. His aunt from the other side of his family doesn't allow that sort of stuff. Well J pulled out his phone because he has games on it. Nephew sat there very quietly playing the game. I heard that if his father (my brother) wants him to behave badly and have bad habits that will have to be when he is with him. Umm he is sitting there quietly with the game. Without the game is his fidgeting, talking, and just being a bored little boy.
During intermission, the other aunt jumped all over my nephew because he is not to be playing games he is to be paying attention. I totally get that he needs to learn to sit quietly through boring stuff, but he is 7. His attention span is about the size of a pin prick. 3 hours is a long time to expect him to sit there and be good all the while everyone else has something to do.
Me and J had to leave shortly there after for fear that a scene would be caused. After we left I called my brother and he was not surprised. I told him that she might need to be reminded that she is not in charge and she is no better than me. We are both this boy's aunt and if I can get him to behave and she can't then she should be happy. I am not going to have her dictate how I treat my nephew and if he is behaving in a situation like that, then that is all that matters.
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